Exploring the Meaning of “Chosen Family” and Why It Matters

More than 1 in 4 Americans are estranged from family members, with higher rates among men than women. And during the holidays, 22 percent of adults feel stressed about the anticipation of family conflict (Newport Institute, n.d). 
Having members of the community who can relate and empathize with certain experiences can increase feelings of belonging and support. When these relationships run deep, they may be coined a “chosen family.” A chosen family differs from a family of origin because it’s made up of people you intentionally surround yourself with, those who allow you to feel fully and authentically yourself. For many, this offers a sense of relief from the pressures or expectations that often accompany biological relatives
There’s comfort in knowing that you get to define what ‘family’ means, and it can include anyone you feel deeply connected to, relatives included. Ultimately, a chosen family is formed by the people you choose to spend time with and build meaningful, trusting relationships with.

What are the Benefits of a Chosen Family?
When with a chosen family, individuals can be free from judgment, and those relationships can be built on connections from your choice, rather than obligation. Being around people who validate your experiences and surrounding yourself with others who share similar values, perspectives, and morals can make you feel safe and supported. When you don’t relate to your family of origin, discovering your people in other places can bring an incredible sense of freedom. 

Who Can Benefit from a Chosen Family?
Finding families outside of our biological relatives can be powerful, especially for people who:

• No longer have close family members
• Identify as LGBTQIA+
• Don’t feel accepted by their family of origin
• Moved away or are estranged from family
• Feel like they don’t belong or feel unsafe with relatives
• Experience physical or mental health challenges

Even if your biological family is supportive, you can still benefit from having another group where you can both give and receive support. As life changes, such as moving away from home or entering new stages where you may not connect with your family as frequently, a chosen family can become especially meaningful.

How Chosen Families Have a Significant Impact on the LGBTQIA+ Community
70 percent of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth experience a degree of rejection from family, and half of LGBTQ+ people are estranged from at least one family member. That number jumps to 1 in 5 for transgender and nonbinary adults (Newport Initiative, n.d.). Creating a support network can help build a foundation of support that could mitigate the negative impact of family rejection. 

The Intersectionality of Chosen Families
No family is the name, and the same can be said for those you choose to be your family. Everyone comes from unique cultures, backgrounds, and experiences, which allow for the family to be beautifully diverse. The influences of the structure of these families are built on experiences from many marginalized communities, like immigrants, low socioeconomic status, and communities of color. Made up of people who offer vital support, guidance, and a sense of kinship, chosen families play an especially important role, given the history of discrimination many marginalized communities have faced.

How to Build a Chosen Family
Set time aside to find your people: Family is not something that drops into your lap; it takes time and effort to find your people. Taking time to build trusting relationships with people you find comfortable is key. 

Reflect on what you believe in and what you enjoy: Self-reflection is so important to understand who you are and who you want to surround yourself with. Being around like-minded people allows you to be more comfortable around them. 

Join communities that bring comfort: Either virtually or in-person, there can be opportunities to join communities that bring comfort. Online forums or in-person events can be a starting point. Some communities may be larger than others, so there may be subgroups within them that you may connect with at a deeper level. 

Build on relationships you already enjoy: Sometimes, the most supportive people you know are already in your life. Talking with a mentor or asking a friend to join you somewhere can be great starting points. Exploring your community and identity could be less intimidating when you have someone to guide and support you. 

Continue to invest in yourself and your chosen family: Continuing to spend time with people and investing in those relationships is crucial to maintaining them. Make an effort to stay connected—don’t wait for others to always reach out first. When you invest time and energy into the people who matter to you, they tend to reciprocate, which can boost your overall outlook on daily life. 

References
FYI+ (n.d.). 5 ways chosen families can change lives. https://fyiplusnm.org/5-ways-chosen-families-can-change-lives/
Newport Institute. (n.d.). The power of chosen family, and how to find it. https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/empowering-young-adults/ chosen-family/